Anyway...I found these while sniffin' around this awesome Hugh Fansite. Awesome, no? Go browse around.

Also edited one up to be used for the Blogs of House blogroll. I know I'm using it!

Take that Bauer... I stiiiiiiiiiiill got it
House MD | Fan site for the TV show "House"


House - I got your page, what's...Jesus H. Christ! What in the world is that smell?
Cuddy - I'm not sure, but I have been smelling it all morning and it's only getting worse.
House - Man, that smells like shrimp that's been in the sun for half a day, but stronger.
Cuddy - I know. We don't seem to be able to figure out where it's coming from.
House - It's odd, I kept getting little sniffs of it on the way up here, but I didn't get a real strong whiff of it until I walked in here with you.
Cuddy - House! Damn it, now's not the time to make jokes!
House - You know me, my jokes are better than that. I'm being serious.
Cuddy - What do you propose we do?
House - Let me get my team in here. We need to run some tests.
**********
House - Cameron, did you get all the body-fluid specimens?
Cameron - Yes, blood, urine, stool, even vaginal secretions.
House - Alright. Chase, I want you and Foreman to do a full battery of tests that nobody can pronounce but have official initials.
Foreman - Okay, I'll take the ones beginning with A-M.
Chase - You got it, and I'll take N-Z.
House - Cool. Get to work Super-Friends.
***********
Chase - We've learned that there is apparently a strain of Chlamydia trachofrischus going around.
Cuddy - I haven't had sex in months, how can I have contracted this illness?
House - Not Chlamydia trachomatis, Chlamydia trachofrischus. A much less common relative of the common VD. This unique strain isn't sexually transmitted though. See, it's contracted when you spend large quantities of time surfing the internet, trolling conservative blogs, and getting smacked down by said conservative.
Cuddy - That doesn't make any sense.
House - It makes perfect sense. You see, when one liberal blogger gets smacked down for, ahem, speaking truthiness to power, as it were, the rest of the trolls begin frothing at the mouth. They claim false victories, and start patting each other on the ass. The liberal froth then ferments and the Chlamydia trachofrischus grows, and can spread to the genitalia.
Cuddy - I understand that, House. I mean, I don't spend much time on the internet, and since you've been off running tests, about 6,000 more cases, including Cameron, have come into the ER. Oh my G-d! It must have mutated and become airborne!
House - It's possible, what with the "Great Blogosphere Brawl" and all. All that liberal truthiness could have caused the bacteria to mutate. However, that's not important. We have to cure these people. This must be the worst case of acute not-so-freshness to ever hit the US!
Cuddy - Alright, tell me what you need.
House - Get Glenn Greenwald on the phone.

What seems to be the pro...Who the hell do you people think I am? Condoleeza Rice?

I am vewy sowwy Dr. House, but TV say you best doctor in world. I have no place else to turn. Wait, why you stick fingers in ears?

Hippocratic Oath, Hippocratic Oath, Hippocratic Oath, Hippocratic Oath...Okay, there! Sorry, that's how I center myself when poofy-haired dictators come into the clinic. Now what seems to be the problem?

This vewy personal. I trust you will treat this with utmost secrecy. Swear it!

Look, I may be overly sarcastic and judgemental, but I am a doctor. It is illegal for me to divulge any of your medical information.

I no concern with your childish western laws. As ancient Korean traditions dictate, you must swear by my poofy hair!

Alright already. If it will make your little dog-filled pot-belly happy, I swear by your poofy hair not reveal your secrets. Now tell me why you are here!


How didn't I see that coming? Oh, and I just had to throw in that last double-entendre.