Clinic Hours: Patient Impossible

Hello, I'm Dr. House how can I...Yikes!

Calm down! I have a problem I was hoping you could help me with.

Okay. I'll tell you right up front that if it's psychiatric treatment you're looking for, you came to the wrong place.

Silence infidel! I have a fiend err friend with a problem. I hear you are the best diagnostician in the world. I need you to tell me what's wrong him.

Ummmm do I have a choice, or will I end up on an internet isalmofascist snuff film if I don't help you...No wait...I don't want to know. Where's the patient?

He's right here under this sheet...

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Wha..?

He's freakin' DEAD!!! Look at him! What do you want me to with that?

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Silence infidel! Do you know who you're talking to?

Yeah. I'm talking to a barbaric murderer who has brought a dead body into the clinic, and thinks he's in a cave in Afghanistan. Watch out there Habib, I might hit you with my cane. I'm still not sure I know what you want from me. I can't work with that!

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I want you to say that the great satan's army tortured and killed him!

Uhhhhh...no.

If you do not do as I command, I will have swarms of mujahedin descend upon your city and bomb....

Oh shut up Corky! You're not in a mud hut in the middle of Afghanistan any more! I'm not going to lie for you!

If you do not obey I will have my holy warriors feast on the entrails of your indfidel children!

Obey is a funny sounding word. Sounds like pig latin doesn't it? I don't have any children, and oh yeah, I'm not lying for you.

I will cut your head off.

No

Oh please.

Take your corpse and get the hell out of my hospital.

Come on Zack, let's go. I've got the newest Goats Gone Wild Video from al-Net Flix

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Take that Jack Bauer!