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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

No House Tonight

Since last week was the Season Finale, there is no House tonight, not even reruns. Fox has chosen to show Shanghai Nights instead. So tonight we'll be liveblogging Shanghai nights, and I better get caught up because I already missed the first...

What's that. Excuse me, Dr. House is talking to me. No. We're not liveblogging Shanghai Nights.

OK. Change of plans. No House tonight, and no liveblog. We'll see you next time when there's actually an episode of House on, or I have an old episode to recap, or we develop some sort of House related creativity.

Sorry for the interruption.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

What You've Been Waiting For!

Here it is guys! What you've all been waiting for. Through hours of exhaustive research, Dr. FIAR has been able to find...This:

Clinic Hours: The Hippy


I'm Dr. House, what seems to be the trouble...aside from the fact that you're a loser?


Like, what's with the hostility, man?


Oh sure. You come in here looking and smelling like you haven't taken a bath since 1963, and you're the victim. Why don't we just pretend you're a human being. You tell me what's wrong, and I'll fix it.


Why are you repressing my individuality man?


Oh, I see. Because you've chosen to grow your hair long, and you wear bellbottoms, and you're wearing a tie dye shirt, that makes you an individual. And because I am repulsed by the stench of patchouli and marijuana, that makes me the repressive tool of the capitalist agenda. Why don't you grow up, and tell me what's wrong with you?


All this hostility is effecting my aura. Is there, like, a less hostile doctor I can see, man?


If there were, I wouldn't be here talking to you, Cousin It. Okay, if you're not going to tell me what's wrong, we'll play twenty questions. I love games. Are you experiencing vomiting or nausea?


Yeah, how'd you...


Lucky guess, Haggar. Are you dizzy? Hot, but not sweating?


Whoa, that's, like, so trippy. It's like you're reading my mind. How'd you do that?


Jim Morrison told me. Listen butterfly, or moonbeam, or fornicates with wolves, whatever your name is, I'll have someone come in and give you IV fluids. I suggest the next time you decide to go sit out in the sun, singing Kumbaya, doing acid, and getting it on with other aging hippies, I suggest you dress accordingly, and drink fluids other than Jose Quervo. Take a bath, cut your hair and get a job. Be original.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Recap of House Season 2 Finale

As the show opens, a guy with a freakishly swollen tongue is being attended to by Dr. House, then we see him discussing the case with his team. Blueblood (Chase) is horrified at his merciless taunting of the patient. "He looks like Harpo."

"You asked him what book he's currently reading?"

"It's hilarious to try and watch him talk. I asked him anything I could think of." House revels in his torment. "Favorite color: 'Bwoo.' Favorite dessert topping? Trust me. You never know what fact might be the key to saving your life."

"Whipped cweam," the patient responds.

"I asked him if he was sure."

A man walks in and asks which one is Dr. House. House tells him it's the skinny brunette. The man says "That's Dr. Cameron." House points out that he fits the vague description as well. The man says he was a patient of House's, then shoots him, and says, "Shocking, isn't it. Who'd want to hurt you?"

Fade to credits.

We return with House as a patient in the ICU. House awakens and immediately guesses that he's been out about 2 days. He asks if he lost any vital organs. "I always say, if you're going to get shot, do it in a hospital." Cameron tells him the wound in his neck severed his jugular. House doesn't remember being shot in the neck.

She starts to tell him about who the shooter is but he cuts her off, "I don't care." He asks about Harpo.

"You just got shot , House. You should rest."

"I got shot, diagnostically boring. Big fat tongue on the other hand, endlessly entertaining."

He predicts the test results of Harpo... Correctly. He notices the guy who shot him in the ICU room with him, and Cameron say that's because he got shot by security. He gets up to go see Cuddy about this injustice. Cameron tries to convince him he needs to lay back down, he challenges her to stop him. He says, "You can't. Because that would involve physically touching me, and then things would get so sexually charged." She does attempt to physically stop him. They talk about Harpo some more.

In Cuddy's office. She knows why he's there, and explains "He needs intensive care. So do you."

"He needs to be shot again."

She tells him that the shooter is handcuffed and sedated. He's messing with the IV machine that controls the morphine drip, and complaining that the surgeon messed up the surgery.

"It's annoying enough dealing with your Vicodin habit. Quit upping your morphine."

"I'm not. I'm reducing it."

His leg feels better. She says it amazing.

He says "It's unbelievable. Since being shot is not an FDA approved treatment for anything, it means something must have gone wrong in the surgery."

"Yes. Terribly, tragically wrong," she mocks.

Now we see him in the ICU over the shooters bed. House turns down his morphine, and begins the torture and interrogation. Clearly a violation of the Geneva Conventions. Shooter wants House to live to see him suffer. House pulls the IV out. Who's suffering now, dirtbag? Pwned!

Now Harpo sets off the alarms, he can't breathe. Dr. Blueblood pokes a trache hole. Suddenly the team is there to consult with House. It apparently seems odd to no one that a man who has just been shot is offering medical advice. Perfectly routine. House objects to Cameron respecting the shooter's need to sleep.

"Yeah. Killer needs his rest. Otherwise he's grumpy all day." He slaps his cane down.
"Hey! Wake up! Watch me save a life."

Killer starts talking to House. Telling him why he shot him. House treated his wife, and guesses that he did so unsuccessfully. She didn't die. First guess is wrong. House told his wife about an extramarital affair. Obviously she killed herself, but House misses on the guess again.

He sees Harpo's wife, figures she's a co-worker or sister, not a wife, because her looks so outclass him, and he's not wealthy. He thinks that Harpo has an STD. She says she's been faithful.

Foreman and Blueblood are working on Harpo, when another emergency arises. They scramble to help. Alarms going off. Holy... ! The patients eye explodes, complete with graphic gore, and sound effects. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. House starts to leave, and collapses. His stitches ripped out.

House is back in ICU. More conversation with John Hinckley, Jr. He wants House to take responsibility for his wife's suicide. House says. "Here's how life works. You either get to ask for an apology, or you get to shoot people. Not both."

Now House is eating lunch downtown, in his hospital gown. Team members don't think that in the least bit odd. Sure. People always go downtown for lunch after getting shot. They're still obsessed with the Harpo case. One of my favorite things to do after being shot is to sit on the trunk of a car in a hospital gown, and eat a fish sandwich. Maybe that's just me.

House says he doesn't think Harpo's wife is messing around, and Cameron says, "House. The patient isn't married, he's a widower."

Now House in in an office with Wilson about how he was never talking to Harpo's wife. It must be a hallucination. He says his judgement is compromised. Wilson suggests he take himself off the case.

He goes back to Cuddy to ask why he was administered ketamine. They wanted to put him in the k-hole. Cuddy tells him the coma was to reboot itself, and make his leg pain go away. House is majorly hacked off.

Knock knock. Who's there? Quadriceps. Quadriceps who? You know, the part of House's leg that used to be there, but isn't anymore.

They skip quickly from working on Harpo then to telling House that the tests were negative. Cameron muses that Killer has been sleeping a lot. Surprisingly, House is VERY concerned by that, or not.

House makes an analogy about overfilled trash cans, and seems quite irritated when Chase gets the point before House has the pleasure of explaining what the eff he's talking about. He reveals that he is, in fact, quite bothered by this fact in a conversation with Killer. "Either they're getting smarter, or I'm getting dumber." Clearly he does not believe the former is possible, as Killer suggested to him, "You're getting dumber."

Then Killer goes on a little philosophical wax about how being polite is something people do because they consider the fact that when they screw up, they will be judged accordingly. I guess meaning, don't be harsh to people, because when you mess up, they'll be harsh in return. What goes around comes around and all that.

Harpo goes into the bathroom to relieve himself, and starts groaning in agony, attempting to inform Blueblood of a problem. Blueblood moves in for a closer look, and BLAM! Teste surprise, all over his face. This is one gory episode. 24 warns of graphic violence, which I have yet to ever see, but this is graphic.

Back from commercial, House and Blueblood are talking about the Harpo case in a Physical Therapy room. Blueblood's riding an exercise bike. House says "The blood had to come from somewhere. You took a shower in it."


"You think someone snuck in here just to kick him in the jewels, and poke out his eye, and swell up his tongue? Keep riding. I got a bet with my physio that I can do 100 clicks by Friday." He must be meaning to pass off Blueblood's riding mileage as his own. Then House messes up basic anatomy 101, then says they need to peel back the layers and question basic assumptions.

At the urinal with Wilson, chatting. "Eyes popping out is a rather odd presentation." ~Wilson
"Sack blowing up on the other hand." ~House
He blames Cuddy for messing with his brain. Wilson says she was trying to help.
"Yeah. I can run like the wind, but I can't think, and seeing as how I'm too old to become a professional athlete, it looks to me as if she screwed me over big time."

He strolls out casually, and quickly. No mention of missing leg tissue, but Wilson thinks he wants to have a gimpy leg. He tells about how people sometimes define themselves by their disease. He says House has dismissed the physical realm in favor of cold calculation. House figures out that he's known for days about what they did to his brain.

He storms in and starts yelling at Cuddy about the fact that all he has is his intellect, and she screwed that up, now he has nothing. She points out that he was using morphine. She knows about it. "Let me put this in terms you understand," he says to Wilson. Blam! Solid connect to the jaw. Sweet!

Wilson asks if he's hallucinating. "I mean RIGHT NOW." The voice changes to Killer's voice. " Are you hallucinating?" Then he's back in the ICU with Killer. House snaps out of it and Killer says he's been yelling at him and calling him "Wilson." House then runs down a list of hallucinations he's been having. Also, he apparently wet the bed when he hallucinated being in the bathroom.

At that moment the team walks in and utters their favorite catch phrase, "The test was negative." He says, "Do a cystoscopy. Make sure he's human." Then he and the team are suddenly walking through the hall. Blueblood says, "the test was negative."

"For him being human?"

They traverse down the stairs, and House is struck by the fact that he doesn't remember how he got there. He starts hopping up and sown the steps like a gaybird, obviously suspecting that he's mid-hallucination. He then asks the team members how he got there. He doesn't remember.

Knock knock. Who's there? Quadriceps. Wait, I aready did that joke.

He bursts into Cuddy's office and announces that he's losing his mind, and having hallucinations. He takes himself off the case. Then he asks why she jumped when he came in. She says she thought he was going to attack her again, but the time when he attacked her was a hallucination. Ergo, so is this.

He snaps out of it again. He's back in ICU with Lee Harvey Oswald.

Upon return from the obscene profits break, both House and John Wilkes Boothe are eating fish sandwiches in their hospital gowns, on the trunk of a car. Maybe it's not just me that likes to do that after being shot. He asks how he can tell what's real and what's not. Interestingly enough though, despite his claim not to know what's real and what's not, he recognizes again that he's mid-acid trip.

Killer tells him that he's concerned about taking actions on faulty assumptions. If he takes no action. No harm done. If he takes action based of faulty info - Irreparable harm done. He decides to put his trust in the hands of his team, or so he says.

"The test was negative." Again x 57

He says if something doesn't make sense, "One of your assumptions is wrong. If something doesn't make sense, it can't be real, so what are our assumptions?" He peels back the layers. He suggests giving Harpo surgery with some sort of robot, but Harpo doesn't like that idea.

So House interjects, "People suck. People have turned you from a guy with a swollen tongue into a guy with one eye, one ball, and a stapled on face. If you want someone to hold you while you cry yourself to sleep at night, choose warm and soft. If you want someone to write you a poem, pick the sensitive loner. If all you care about is that somethings done right, pick the guy with the metal head."

To demonstrate how accurate the machine is, the take Harpo to the OR with the machine. Dr. Cameron is laying on the operating table. House maneuvers the robot arm and gently brushes across her face. Then he moves the robot arm down to her belly button, and deftly inserts it to gently caress her across her belly button. Man, this seems almost sexual. He switches to the scalpel tool on the robot arm, and slices off the top button of her blouse with perfect accuracy and precision, as the tight garment spreads apart.

He asks Harpo if he's seen enough, and Harpo responds, "No," clearly wishing to see a few more buttons meet their maker. House says, "That wasn't a question. You either do this, or you die," and sends him off to get prepped for surgery.

Killer tells House that he's wasted his life. He asks House if he cares if he lives or dies. "I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead." Killer says, "I don't want to hear semantics."

"You anti-semantic bastard."

Killer tries to tells him that House only cares about results, not feelings or intentions. "And even if I'm wrong, you're still miserable." He asks, "Did you really think that your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return?" House is deep in thought. "No. You believe there's no purpose to anything." We see House with a woman, in a car. His ex-wife? Killer's wife? "Even the Lives you save, you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life, and you taint it. Strip it of all meaning." (Long pause) "You're miserable for nothing. I don't know why you'd want to live."

That was an outstanding monologue. I should quote the whole thing, beginning to end. House looks as if Killer has struck a chord, deep inside him. The look on Killer's face is, of all things, pity. Pity for House. House says with deep sincerity, "I am sorry." What a gripping scene. He then announces that he knows what's wrong. (with Harpo?)

He goes in the OR, where the team is about to operate. He asks why they've never questioned his judgement. "You're always insane and you're always right."
"I'm almost always eventually right. You have no way of knowing when 'eventually' is."He tells them that he knows none of this is real. He repeats that "either you guys are getting smarter or I'm getting dumber." They try to tell him they're just accustomed to his style.

"If something doesn't make sense, one of you're assumptions has to be wrong, because if something doesn't make sense it can't be real. What if the faulty assumption is that it's real?"

He plans to kill Harpo to snap himself out of his delusion. He slices Harpo open. He looks horrified, as he thinks that maybe, just maybe it was real. Blood drips. Everyone has looks of horror. Harpo's hand drops down limp.

A single bullet drops from his hand. House leans down to pick it up. He says, "Goodbye."

At that moment, doctors and nurses are rushing a gurney toward the OR. House is the one on the gurney. He opens his eyes. He says, "Tell Cuddy, I want Ketamine." He wants them to try the "Brain Reboot" procedure. He passes back out.

End of season.


Trackbacked on: Stop the ACLU, Wizbang


"If something doesn't make sense, one of you're assumptions has to be wrong, because if something doesn't make sense it can't be real. What if the faulty assumption is that it's not funny?"

Get your prescription of teh funny filled at the Carnival of Comedy. Doctors orders.

Linky Love

Like to thank and direct your browser attention to the very cool web site of


They kindly listed us under the House Link section <3

Check it out for all things Dr. Cuddy!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

What really happened tuesday night

While Jack is busy stackin up corpses maybe we need a House Saved lives counter? Or a wise crack counter...but no super computer could keep up with that. Perhaps just a random quote generator. But those are long and boring.

You know what I think. If everything was nothing and no ones really sure what happened Tuesday night. Here's who I think really shot House...

The less attractive of the two

I managed to catch him fleeing and get an exclusive interview.


LittleOrangeFox: Why Jack...why did you do it.

Jack Bauer: Because *sniff* I'm so very jealous of BlogsForHouse.

LittleOrangeFox: Good reason...but not good enough. You better hope House doesn't catch you with his robot surgeon machine! Did you see what happened to the fat guy? He wasn't even a terrorist either!

Jack Bauer: I hope Cuddy doesn't open up a can of whoop ass on me!

LittleOrangeFox:You better believe she will!


Even More Buttons!

Love House but have a crush on his team too?

Even more new buttons to wave proudly in your sidebar! (On blogger but feel free to click and load to your own server) I made em myself!


p.s. layout? good, bad? I like that it is a wee bit wider and less scrunched up and the banner is pretty kickin'...but you know ladies...can't make up our mind!

p.p.s You didn't think I forgot? I was just waiting for someone to notice. Made by popular demand...


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Some New Buttons

No, I don't mean for Dr. Cameron's shirt. Tyler D. of .45 Caliber Justice made us some sweet buttons. Go check them out!



What was the most shocking episode of House...Didn't even happen...

Be wary. This post might be a halucination.

Liveblogging The Season Finale

Ladies and gentlemen, The liveblogging will begin momentarily. I have to sets of hair to wash and put to bed. I should be right on schedule, but the three year has soap in her eyes. I'll be right back.

2000 hrs: I Freakin' hate American Idol! I hope Seacrest catches a fatal dose of gingivitis!

2004 hrs: Professor Moriarty is crappy marksman, and a titty baby. Wah, Dr. House said something Mean. I bet Dr. Nuland is feeling happy in the pants.

2008 hrs: House wakes up his usual chipper self. The bullet ruptured his posterior rim. I heard of that happening to a crack ho once.

2012 hrs: House is messing with the professor Moriarty's treatment. That's so cool.

2014 hrs: Oh great, she killed herself because Professor Moriarty had an affair, and now he blames House. What a jackass.

2017 hrs: House insults the patient's wife, just to find out she's always been faithful. WOW! Dude's eye just popped out! Sweet!!!

2020 hrs: House DFOed (Done Fell Out).

2021 hrs: I pitty da foo' that don't get karaoke on demand!

2023 hrs: Is it just me, or does the chef from Hell's Kitchen look like Christopher Henderson?

2024 hrs: House still laying down the caustic sarcasm on Professor Moriarty, and now he's immitating his flunkies.

2025 hrs: Look, Dr. Cameron is wearing Jack Bauer glasses. Cool! And now, the plot thickens! The patient ain't married.

2026 hrs: Dr. Watson and House discuss this troubling hallucination of the hot wife. Now we see Dr. House got some Special K during surgery.

2030 hrs: Oh, now Professor Moriarty is playing mind games.

2032 hrs: There's a new one. Nobody knows what's wrong with the patient. Wow! His pee pee just expoded! Great special effects in this episode.

Anybody want to venture a guess as to what the incredible exploding man is suffering from?

2037 hrs: "Sack blowing out, on the other hand..." That's classic!

2039 hrs: Ooooh, look at the insite on Dr. Watson!

2040 hrs: Weeeel, what a hallucination! Now we're defining Hallucinatee with Professor Moriarty.

2042 hrs: Vicoden for House is like spinach for Popeye! Give him his Vicoden!

2045 hrs: I hate MySpace. I bet Jack is gonna be pissed when he gets back from China to find episodes of 24 posted on MySpace.

2049 hrs: My libup if obon da flobor! Whoa yeah! Cut her shirt off!

2058 hrs: Real or not real?

2100 hrs: So kiddos, what have we learned from this episode?

Monday, May 22, 2006

Liveblogging The Season Finale

Make sure you're here tomorrow night when I'll be liveblogging the season finale of House. I'm sure I'll be able to think of something funny to write then.

Supporting Evidence For My Argument Below

A little of Dr. House on You Tube. Caution, adult themes! It illustrates nicely some of the similarities between House and Holmes, and also shows that he is not completely devoid of emotion. It further gives us House's idea about callousness.


Trackbacked on Point Five

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Doctor House Isn't Real? Say It Ain't So

While traversing the World Wide Web, I came across this bit of idiocy where a whole, real, doctor rips our favorite doctor for not being realistic. Dr. House doesn't act like a real doctor? The next thing you know, you'll be telling me that professional wrestling is fake, or that Jack Bauer doesn't act like a real anti-terrorist agent. This @$$hat needs to get over himself. Let's lay the smackdown, shall we?

"Of all the medical errata in this series (and there are some whoppers), the greatest is surely the conceit that a physician so remote, so neglectful of duty, so sadistic, so downright cruel as Gregory House would be tolerated in any hospital, regardless of the non plus ultra quality of his diagnostic acumen."

You mean the medical stuff they talk about ain't real? Jesus H. Christ! Listen deuchebag, I was a cop for six years. I absolutely love The Shield. Vic Mackey is more brutal, more cynical, and more arrogant than any real cop could ever be, and still keep his job. I've never seen a cop actually lock two rival drug dealers in a trailer, and have them battle to the death to receive protection from cops. If any of the guys I ever worked with would have done the things Vic Mackey did, I would lock them up myself. But c'mon! It's a great show. We all want to, on some level, see a cop throw a severe @$$-whoopin' on some violent thug that has terrorized law abiding citizens.

Nothing is to be gained by glorifying a medical monster who makes the legendary ice prince of surgery, Ben Casey, seem like a latter-day Florence Nightingale—thankfully, Dr. House is a medical monster who does not and could never exist.

Dr. House, a monster? Dr. House is a prick, not a monster. A monster would be a doctor who went around killing patients that he felt would not have a good enough quality of life. Dr. House is a prick and we all love him for it. Dr. House is a modern day Sherlock Holmes. He solves mysteries. He is so driven to solve the unsolveable that he let's nothing stand in his way. He doesn't worry about his health, his job, or other people's feelings while he is on the case.

F.Y.I. House's creator, David Shore, based House on Holmes (get it, House/Holmes/Homes). Some of the referrences are pretty obvious, House's drug use, and his pit-bull like determination to solve the case. House's apartment number is 221B. Wilson/Watson. Dr. House is based on Holmes, and Holmes was based on a doctor. Anyhoo, back to the smackdown.

"What this show needs, in the highly unlikely event that it will survive, is a character who winks conspiratorially at the viewer, conveying his awareness that Dr. House and the plot, dialogue, and story line of this misbegotten series are as outlandishly preposterous as they are laughable."

I swear, educated people are some of the dumbest people on the face of the planet. No! The show doesn't need a character to tell me this show is fiction because I already know it. This is as stupid as the Catholics shrieking about The Da Vinci Code being dangerous and harmful.

Here is the bottom line. Unlike the idiot that wrote this drivel, Sherman Nuland, a surgeon at Yale Univeristy, I live in real life. I turn to TV shows, like House and 24, to get a break from reality. If I want real life, I'll stick to the news.


Trackbacked on Samantha Burns

Saturday, May 20, 2006

House News

Dr. House Icon




As House and his team work on the diagnosis of Vince, a man with a giant swollen tongue, disgruntled former patient Jack Moriarty (guest star Elias Koteas) walks into House's office and shoots him. House continues to treat Vince from his hospital bed in the ICU with Moriarty, shot by hospital security and handcuffed to his bed, as his roommate. Mysteriously since the shooting, House feels decreased pain in his leg.

However, aftereffects of the shooting begin to affect him negatively and he starts to question his own ability to diagnose, while hostility increases between him and Moriarty. As Vince's body begins to deteriorate, House struggles through his own self-doubts and must trust his team to find a way to solve the case.


House-ism of the day

'I'm a really good secret keeper. I've never told anybody Wilson wets his bed.'

Friday, May 19, 2006

Link Blogs for House

Join Blogs For House
Do you wait breathlessly as Dr. House flames unwary patients with his toxic sarcasm, and cynicism? Then join Blogs For House! If you want to join, put up the blogroll, and the image below, link to Blogs For House, and send Dr. House an e-mail at blogsforhouse at gmail dot com.

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(Just remember to replace the braces ({}) with these (<>))

Thursday, May 18, 2006


Very very very much in testing mode layout wise.... As you can tell I pretty much used mine and changed the fox House. Well tis all I could come up with at midnight. Should it stay or go? (it is such an easy layout to work with despite the fact it is in a foreign language) But I am pretty sure judalkan and ishitan has something to do with the side bar.

p.s. still working on banner for top of page and side bar links...and figuring out why contributers is in such huge letters...

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Coming Soon!

Are you a fan of Dr. Greg House? Do you watch with baited breath as the King Of Sarcasm brow beats his employees into finding the mysterious illness? Then this place is for you. Well, it will be. We will be your one stop for all things House!