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Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Kag Report Of Comedy

Tommy at the Kag Report has posted this week's and last week's Carnival Of Comedy. Go get your dose of teh funny! Dr. House commands you!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Fake But True

My crack research staff, consisting of my trained surveillance dung-beetle, Algore, has obtained a script for one of Next season's episodes of House.

Before I get into the script, I would like to pre-condemn any sexist overtones and/or any other form of hate-speech that may arise from this post including but not limited to potty humor, poor satire, and poor taste. I imagine if Hugh Laurie saw this, he'd condemn it too. Enjoy the preview.

House - I got your page, what's...Jesus H. Christ! What in the world is that smell?

Cuddy - I'm not sure, but I have been smelling it all morning and it's only getting worse.

House - Man, that smells like shrimp that's been in the sun for half a day, but stronger.

Cuddy - I know. We don't seem to be able to figure out where it's coming from.

House - It's odd, I kept getting little sniffs of it on the way up here, but I didn't get a real strong whiff of it until I walked in here with you.

Cuddy - House! Damn it, now's not the time to make jokes!

House - You know me, my jokes are better than that. I'm being serious.

Cuddy - What do you propose we do?

House - Let me get my team in here. We need to run some tests.


House - Cameron, did you get all the body-fluid specimens?

Cameron - Yes, blood, urine, stool, even vaginal secretions.

House - Alright. Chase, I want you and Foreman to do a full battery of tests that nobody can pronounce but have official initials.

Foreman - Okay, I'll take the ones beginning with A-M.

Chase - You got it, and I'll take N-Z.

House - Cool. Get to work Super-Friends.


Chase - We've learned that there is apparently a strain of Chlamydia trachofrischus going around.

Cuddy - I haven't had sex in months, how can I have contracted this illness?

House - Not Chlamydia trachomatis, Chlamydia trachofrischus. A much less common relative of the common VD. This unique strain isn't sexually transmitted though. See, it's contracted when you spend large quantities of time surfing the internet, trolling conservative blogs, and getting smacked down by said conservative.

Cuddy - That doesn't make any sense.

House - It makes perfect sense. You see, when one liberal blogger gets smacked down for, ahem, speaking truthiness to power, as it were, the rest of the trolls begin frothing at the mouth. They claim false victories, and start patting each other on the ass. The liberal froth then ferments and the Chlamydia trachofrischus grows, and can spread to the genitalia.

Cuddy - I understand that, House. I mean, I don't spend much time on the internet, and since you've been off running tests, about 6,000 more cases, including Cameron, have come into the ER. Oh my G-d! It must have mutated and become airborne!

House - It's possible, what with the "Great Blogosphere Brawl" and all. All that liberal truthiness could have caused the bacteria to mutate. However, that's not important. We have to cure these people. This must be the worst case of acute not-so-freshness to ever hit the US!

Cuddy - Alright, tell me what you need.

House - Get Glenn Greenwald on the phone.

This has been a coproduction of Radioactive Liberty who has brought you such insane bloggy goodness as Rope, Tree, People, The War For Oil and What About The Children, along with Fmragtops Spews who has made several attempts at humor, but failed miserably.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Upcoming Episodes

One of these days, I will stop being lazy and I will start to provide comprehensive recaps for the episodes in seasons 1 and 2, probably in no apparent order. Right now, I will continue to be lazy, but update you on upcoming episodes. (And yes, Season 1 is available on DVD)

USA Network:

- Friday July 14 at 11pm ET
Detox - Sunday July 16 at 11pm ET
Three Stories - Friday July 21 at 11pm ET
Honeymoon - Sunday July 23 at 11pm ET

Need to Know and Distractions- Tuesday July 18 at 8pm/9pm ET

Season 3 Premiers on Tuesday September 5.

We'll try to gear up the site for the launch of the new season. If you have any suggestions, or things you would like to see featured on the site, please send an email to
blogsforhouse AT gmail (dot) com. We'd be happy to consider your suggestions.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Clinic Hours: Treating Il's Ills

What seems to be the pro...Who the hell do you people think I am? Condoleeza Rice?

I am vewy sowwy Dr. House, but TV say you best doctor in world. I have no place else to turn. Wait, why you stick fingers in ears?

Hippocratic Oath, Hippocratic Oath, Hippocratic Oath, Hippocratic Oath...Okay, there! Sorry, that's how I center myself when poofy-haired dictators come into the clinic. Now what seems to be the problem?

This vewy personal. I trust you will treat this with utmost secrecy. Swear it!

Look, I may be overly sarcastic and judgemental, but I am a doctor. It is illegal for me to divulge any of your medical information.

I no concern with your childish western laws. As ancient Korean traditions dictate, you must swear by my poofy hair!

Alright already. If it will make your little dog-filled pot-belly happy, I swear by your poofy hair not reveal your secrets. Now tell me why you are here!

How didn't I see that coming? Oh, and I just had to throw in that last double-entendre.