Recap of House Season 2 Finale

As the show opens, a guy with a freakishly swollen tongue is being attended to by Dr. House, then we see him discussing the case with his team. Blueblood (Chase) is horrified at his merciless taunting of the patient. "He looks like Harpo."

"You asked him what book he's currently reading?"

"It's hilarious to try and watch him talk. I asked him anything I could think of." House revels in his torment. "Favorite color: 'Bwoo.' Favorite dessert topping? Trust me. You never know what fact might be the key to saving your life."

"Whipped cweam," the patient responds.

"I asked him if he was sure."

A man walks in and asks which one is Dr. House. House tells him it's the skinny brunette. The man says "That's Dr. Cameron." House points out that he fits the vague description as well. The man says he was a patient of House's, then shoots him, and says, "Shocking, isn't it. Who'd want to hurt you?"

Fade to credits.

We return with House as a patient in the ICU. House awakens and immediately guesses that he's been out about 2 days. He asks if he lost any vital organs. "I always say, if you're going to get shot, do it in a hospital." Cameron tells him the wound in his neck severed his jugular. House doesn't remember being shot in the neck.

She starts to tell him about who the shooter is but he cuts her off, "I don't care." He asks about Harpo.

"You just got shot , House. You should rest."

"I got shot, diagnostically boring. Big fat tongue on the other hand, endlessly entertaining."

He predicts the test results of Harpo... Correctly. He notices the guy who shot him in the ICU room with him, and Cameron say that's because he got shot by security. He gets up to go see Cuddy about this injustice. Cameron tries to convince him he needs to lay back down, he challenges her to stop him. He says, "You can't. Because that would involve physically touching me, and then things would get so sexually charged." She does attempt to physically stop him. They talk about Harpo some more.

In Cuddy's office. She knows why he's there, and explains "He needs intensive care. So do you."

"He needs to be shot again."

She tells him that the shooter is handcuffed and sedated. He's messing with the IV machine that controls the morphine drip, and complaining that the surgeon messed up the surgery.

"It's annoying enough dealing with your Vicodin habit. Quit upping your morphine."

"I'm not. I'm reducing it."

His leg feels better. She says it amazing.

He says "It's unbelievable. Since being shot is not an FDA approved treatment for anything, it means something must have gone wrong in the surgery."

"Yes. Terribly, tragically wrong," she mocks.

Now we see him in the ICU over the shooters bed. House turns down his morphine, and begins the torture and interrogation. Clearly a violation of the Geneva Conventions. Shooter wants House to live to see him suffer. House pulls the IV out. Who's suffering now, dirtbag? Pwned!

Now Harpo sets off the alarms, he can't breathe. Dr. Blueblood pokes a trache hole. Suddenly the team is there to consult with House. It apparently seems odd to no one that a man who has just been shot is offering medical advice. Perfectly routine. House objects to Cameron respecting the shooter's need to sleep.

"Yeah. Killer needs his rest. Otherwise he's grumpy all day." He slaps his cane down.
"Hey! Wake up! Watch me save a life."

Killer starts talking to House. Telling him why he shot him. House treated his wife, and guesses that he did so unsuccessfully. She didn't die. First guess is wrong. House told his wife about an extramarital affair. Obviously she killed herself, but House misses on the guess again.

He sees Harpo's wife, figures she's a co-worker or sister, not a wife, because her looks so outclass him, and he's not wealthy. He thinks that Harpo has an STD. She says she's been faithful.

Foreman and Blueblood are working on Harpo, when another emergency arises. They scramble to help. Alarms going off. Holy... ! The patients eye explodes, complete with graphic gore, and sound effects. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. House starts to leave, and collapses. His stitches ripped out.

House is back in ICU. More conversation with John Hinckley, Jr. He wants House to take responsibility for his wife's suicide. House says. "Here's how life works. You either get to ask for an apology, or you get to shoot people. Not both."

Now House is eating lunch downtown, in his hospital gown. Team members don't think that in the least bit odd. Sure. People always go downtown for lunch after getting shot. They're still obsessed with the Harpo case. One of my favorite things to do after being shot is to sit on the trunk of a car in a hospital gown, and eat a fish sandwich. Maybe that's just me.

House says he doesn't think Harpo's wife is messing around, and Cameron says, "House. The patient isn't married, he's a widower."

Now House in in an office with Wilson about how he was never talking to Harpo's wife. It must be a hallucination. He says his judgement is compromised. Wilson suggests he take himself off the case.

He goes back to Cuddy to ask why he was administered ketamine. They wanted to put him in the k-hole. Cuddy tells him the coma was to reboot itself, and make his leg pain go away. House is majorly hacked off.

Knock knock. Who's there? Quadriceps. Quadriceps who? You know, the part of House's leg that used to be there, but isn't anymore.

They skip quickly from working on Harpo then to telling House that the tests were negative. Cameron muses that Killer has been sleeping a lot. Surprisingly, House is VERY concerned by that, or not.

House makes an analogy about overfilled trash cans, and seems quite irritated when Chase gets the point before House has the pleasure of explaining what the eff he's talking about. He reveals that he is, in fact, quite bothered by this fact in a conversation with Killer. "Either they're getting smarter, or I'm getting dumber." Clearly he does not believe the former is possible, as Killer suggested to him, "You're getting dumber."

Then Killer goes on a little philosophical wax about how being polite is something people do because they consider the fact that when they screw up, they will be judged accordingly. I guess meaning, don't be harsh to people, because when you mess up, they'll be harsh in return. What goes around comes around and all that.

Harpo goes into the bathroom to relieve himself, and starts groaning in agony, attempting to inform Blueblood of a problem. Blueblood moves in for a closer look, and BLAM! Teste surprise, all over his face. This is one gory episode. 24 warns of graphic violence, which I have yet to ever see, but this is graphic.

Back from commercial, House and Blueblood are talking about the Harpo case in a Physical Therapy room. Blueblood's riding an exercise bike. House says "The blood had to come from somewhere. You took a shower in it."

"Trauma"

"You think someone snuck in here just to kick him in the jewels, and poke out his eye, and swell up his tongue? Keep riding. I got a bet with my physio that I can do 100 clicks by Friday." He must be meaning to pass off Blueblood's riding mileage as his own. Then House messes up basic anatomy 101, then says they need to peel back the layers and question basic assumptions.

At the urinal with Wilson, chatting. "Eyes popping out is a rather odd presentation." ~Wilson
"Sack blowing up on the other hand." ~House
He blames Cuddy for messing with his brain. Wilson says she was trying to help.
"Yeah. I can run like the wind, but I can't think, and seeing as how I'm too old to become a professional athlete, it looks to me as if she screwed me over big time."

He strolls out casually, and quickly. No mention of missing leg tissue, but Wilson thinks he wants to have a gimpy leg. He tells about how people sometimes define themselves by their disease. He says House has dismissed the physical realm in favor of cold calculation. House figures out that he's known for days about what they did to his brain.

He storms in and starts yelling at Cuddy about the fact that all he has is his intellect, and she screwed that up, now he has nothing. She points out that he was using morphine. She knows about it. "Let me put this in terms you understand," he says to Wilson. Blam! Solid connect to the jaw. Sweet!

Wilson asks if he's hallucinating. "I mean RIGHT NOW." The voice changes to Killer's voice. " Are you hallucinating?" Then he's back in the ICU with Killer. House snaps out of it and Killer says he's been yelling at him and calling him "Wilson." House then runs down a list of hallucinations he's been having. Also, he apparently wet the bed when he hallucinated being in the bathroom.

At that moment the team walks in and utters their favorite catch phrase, "The test was negative." He says, "Do a cystoscopy. Make sure he's human." Then he and the team are suddenly walking through the hall. Blueblood says, "the test was negative."

"For him being human?"

They traverse down the stairs, and House is struck by the fact that he doesn't remember how he got there. He starts hopping up and sown the steps like a gaybird, obviously suspecting that he's mid-hallucination. He then asks the team members how he got there. He doesn't remember.

Knock knock. Who's there? Quadriceps. Wait, I aready did that joke.

He bursts into Cuddy's office and announces that he's losing his mind, and having hallucinations. He takes himself off the case. Then he asks why she jumped when he came in. She says she thought he was going to attack her again, but the time when he attacked her was a hallucination. Ergo, so is this.

He snaps out of it again. He's back in ICU with Lee Harvey Oswald.

Upon return from the obscene profits break, both House and John Wilkes Boothe are eating fish sandwiches in their hospital gowns, on the trunk of a car. Maybe it's not just me that likes to do that after being shot. He asks how he can tell what's real and what's not. Interestingly enough though, despite his claim not to know what's real and what's not, he recognizes again that he's mid-acid trip.

Killer tells him that he's concerned about taking actions on faulty assumptions. If he takes no action. No harm done. If he takes action based of faulty info - Irreparable harm done. He decides to put his trust in the hands of his team, or so he says.

"The test was negative." Again x 57

He says if something doesn't make sense, "One of your assumptions is wrong. If something doesn't make sense, it can't be real, so what are our assumptions?" He peels back the layers. He suggests giving Harpo surgery with some sort of robot, but Harpo doesn't like that idea.

So House interjects, "People suck. People have turned you from a guy with a swollen tongue into a guy with one eye, one ball, and a stapled on face. If you want someone to hold you while you cry yourself to sleep at night, choose warm and soft. If you want someone to write you a poem, pick the sensitive loner. If all you care about is that somethings done right, pick the guy with the metal head."

To demonstrate how accurate the machine is, the take Harpo to the OR with the machine. Dr. Cameron is laying on the operating table. House maneuvers the robot arm and gently brushes across her face. Then he moves the robot arm down to her belly button, and deftly inserts it to gently caress her across her belly button. Man, this seems almost sexual. He switches to the scalpel tool on the robot arm, and slices off the top button of her blouse with perfect accuracy and precision, as the tight garment spreads apart.

He asks Harpo if he's seen enough, and Harpo responds, "No," clearly wishing to see a few more buttons meet their maker. House says, "That wasn't a question. You either do this, or you die," and sends him off to get prepped for surgery.

Killer tells House that he's wasted his life. He asks House if he cares if he lives or dies. "I care because I live. I can't care if I'm dead." Killer says, "I don't want to hear semantics."

"You anti-semantic bastard."

Killer tries to tells him that House only cares about results, not feelings or intentions. "And even if I'm wrong, you're still miserable." He asks, "Did you really think that your life's purpose was to sacrifice yourself and get nothing in return?" House is deep in thought. "No. You believe there's no purpose to anything." We see House with a woman, in a car. His ex-wife? Killer's wife? "Even the Lives you save, you dismiss. You turn the one decent thing in your life, and you taint it. Strip it of all meaning." (Long pause) "You're miserable for nothing. I don't know why you'd want to live."

That was an outstanding monologue. I should quote the whole thing, beginning to end. House looks as if Killer has struck a chord, deep inside him. The look on Killer's face is, of all things, pity. Pity for House. House says with deep sincerity, "I am sorry." What a gripping scene. He then announces that he knows what's wrong. (with Harpo?)

He goes in the OR, where the team is about to operate. He asks why they've never questioned his judgement. "You're always insane and you're always right."
"I'm almost always eventually right. You have no way of knowing when 'eventually' is."He tells them that he knows none of this is real. He repeats that "either you guys are getting smarter or I'm getting dumber." They try to tell him they're just accustomed to his style.

"If something doesn't make sense, one of you're assumptions has to be wrong, because if something doesn't make sense it can't be real. What if the faulty assumption is that it's real?"

He plans to kill Harpo to snap himself out of his delusion. He slices Harpo open. He looks horrified, as he thinks that maybe, just maybe it was real. Blood drips. Everyone has looks of horror. Harpo's hand drops down limp.

A single bullet drops from his hand. House leans down to pick it up. He says, "Goodbye."

At that moment, doctors and nurses are rushing a gurney toward the OR. House is the one on the gurney. He opens his eyes. He says, "Tell Cuddy, I want Ketamine." He wants them to try the "Brain Reboot" procedure. He passes back out.

End of season.

**

Trackbacked on: Stop the ACLU, Wizbang